OK, that sounds pretty dramatic. If you asked anyone that knows me, you would hear this statement is far from the truth.
But I feel like it often.
Sunday morning, Kids wake up entirely too early. It was my turn to get up; hubby let ME sleep late Saturday morning until 9, YES 9 am; crazy, I know.
The verbal demands start pummeling me before I am even allowed to get the coffee brewing. I am not able to go to the bathroom alone, with the door shut, without being yelled at, or the door banged on, not an ideal way to roll into the day.
Even as I am typing this, I got up to deliver a “snack,” than more “water,” and then to clean up said water because it was spilled all over the couch. Ugh
Moving on…
We made it to breakfast, and then the rush begins to get to church. I am trying to get not only myself ready, but two little girls and managing the 16-year-old to get out of bed and get moving.
My four-year-old goes through one shirt (soaked with water from brushing teeth) on to the next shirt (stained with frozen blueberries she helped herself to) and landed on the third. All within 15 min. The 5-year-old feels it is necessary to put the dog leash on our Maltipoo (who was NOT excited) and meander around the house as the four year old yells and carries on that “it’s her turn.”
Finally making it to the car, I take a deep breath and a slow exhale.
Am I the only mom that feels like she is running in circles? As fast as I try to get one thing done. Four more tasks are thrown at me. My house is a mess from them starting and stopping from kitchen forts to barbie worlds, a coloring art center to dress up.
What I find mystifying is this all happens, and is our regular? Until it isn’t, and my consciousness makes grotesquely aware of the mess.
I SEE the mess clearly for what it is.
Now I know some of you are reading this are thinking, “they are only little once,” “you will miss this one day.” Blah Blah Blah.
YES, I know.
I have one child out of the house, and I do miss her being here every day. But let’s be real. A clean home for more than 15 minutes with toddlers and teens is a welcomed, rare miracle.
At times I get frustrated and completely overwhelmed. More often than not, I sail through life with ease, rolling with whatever, but then there are days… like today…
When I want to run away.
The chores for a mom NEVER END.
My husband is an amazing husband and father, but there are man things he does, and then there are my roles in the house. And don’t start with “woman power,” “equality,” and all of that. He helps with a TON, but the things I do, need to be done by me.
There are just so many of them I feel like I am drowning and can’t catch my breath.
I could quickly start at 5 am and work straight through until 10 pm and STILL would have a long list of things to complete. Again, most of the time, I am OK with it, but there are days…
I love my life, I honestly do. I LOVE being a mom, more than words could ever explain. But sometimes it just seems like, feels like so much. Why do we moms feel this way? So many expectations, the house cleaned (and not even spotless), the endless loads of laundry, the meal plans, and grocery shopping, the cleaning out of closets and drawers, and then trying to find the best sales to purchase new. The school responsibilities such as homework, and practicing the letter recognition and numbers, the reading for 15-20 min a day, baths, dance classes, Awana, basketball games, parent meetings, and oh! Then switching over to sexy momma role when I fall into bed, exhausted.
When do I get to have that “me time” that I hear preached on the talk shows? What is it like to relax? And even if I do relax, ALL THAT SHIT is still waiting for me. It doesn’t get done unless I do it, so I think why wait? Why rest? There is no sense. I would be even further behind.
I am a bad mom sometimes. Sometimes I forget what time an appointment is, or I don’t get the dance outfits washed in time. Sometimes I don’t read for 15 min because I don’t feel like it. I sometimes make a frozen pizza instead of the Salisbury steak that is on the menu. Sometimes I drink wine promptly at 5:15 after my daycare kids leave because I want to. Sometimes I lock myself in the bathroom, run a hot bath, and put my headphones in to drown out the knocks and hollers from the kids that seem they must have “whatever” immediately, and it is terrifying when mommy is in a locked room and not accessible to them.
Sometimes I cry in the shower because I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
Sometimes I take a little longer to drive home while the kids are watching a movie in the car, just so I can have silence, oh sweet, sweet silence.
But even with all of this, I continue. I pick myself up and remember, each morning God gives me what I need to make it through, so surely, he will give me what I need to make it through everyday.
Moms out there, IT IS OK to admit your overwhelmed.
IT IS OK to disclose you don’t have it all figured out and maybe never will!
IT IS OK to want to run away once in a while, just as long as you don’t!
I don’t know why we feel we have to be like June Cleaver with the clean house, all the children in matching ironed (who does that anymore?) clothes and smiles on our face all day. We have enough pressure to perform before adding all the nonsense in!
When I am a good mom, I look them in the eye and listen to what they have to say.
- Hold their hand or hug them while they are crying uncontrollably, trying to work through an emotional fit.
- Play with them, I read to them, I take them on a date just one-on-one.
- Bake them their favorite goody or make their favorite meal.
- Color or paint with them
- Play a game (ugh I’m not too fond of board games).
And you know what? If you were to ask them about me?
THOSE are the things they will remember. They think I am a wonderful mom, that loves them very much and is always there for them.
Sometimes I am a horrible mom, but most of the time, I am a great mom, and that is all that matters at the end of the day.
XO
Sydney